She eats like a maniac.
She reminds me of her father.
Once the milk is at hand, she starts grunting and kicking her feet.
Like she can’t wait another second.
Like I don’t feed her every time she’s hungry.
Like there is a litter of little runts she’s going to have to share with.
I keep telling her she’s the only one, but my logic doesn’t affect her.
Our first year of marriage, Ben and I ate a salad with almost every meal we cooked. Initially, to cut down on dishes, we ate straight out of the serving bowl. But I quickly learned sharing salad with Ben was like lions going after a fresh carcass—I was going to have to get mean and a lot bigger if I wanted my fair portion.
The crazy thing is that Ben doesn’t even like salad. He just wants it out of the way so he can get started on the part that counts.
Again, twisted logic.
Is that inheritable?
It was a year of waiting. A year of employment frustration. A year of health scares. It was not the best. But I wouldn’t trade it. Not one second. Because it was also a year of embarking. A year of hopeful anticipation. A year of growth. And a year of standing side-by-side with those we love. The truth is, despite the disappointments, confusion and struggles, 2011 is overflowing with evidence of God’s mighty hand.
In its final hours, Delaney Ryan Hamilton announced her arrival with healthy lungs. At 10:45 a.m. on December 30th, a beautiful 8 lbs. 4 oz., screaming, grimy, beautiful baby girl was placed on my chest. As our eyes met, her crying ceased and the tears of her father and I began. I do not yet possess the skill to capture that moment in words. Perhaps someday I will try, but for now I treasure it away as one of the most precious of my life.
The celebration was to be interrupted, however. The family watched in dread as our sweet Delaney turned blue. For the next several hours, we waited anxiously as Delaney was sent to the NICU for observation and testing.
Delaney delivered face-up and the process caused significant trauma to her head. An MRI revealed a small fracture on the back of her skull caused at birth. The fracture created a blood drip that initiated apneic episodes during her first day of life. Delaney spent 4 nights in the NICU. It was heartbreaking to wait and worry, and it nearly undid me to see her wearing a nasal cannula with wires taped to her head and bruises forming from the IV inserted in her tiny arm.
But, after a day, Delaney began showing improvement. With the dawn of the New Year, worry ceased and we simply waited for the doctor to release her. On Tuesday, January 3rd, we celebrated as we carried Delaney through the door into her home for the first time. Since being home Delaney has consistently proved to two novice parents that she is strong, healthy and growing, and we praise God for the amazing gift of our precious girl.
I sit with her in my arms as I type this post. Jimmy Buffet's ”Little Miss Magic” plays in the background, and the future flashes before my mind. We hope big dreams for our little girl and I find great joy imagining the years to come, but right now I’m living in the moment as I’ve never been able to before.
Remnants of the struggles of 2011 still linger and in some significant ways the hardest seasons are still ahead. But as I look back on 2011 from the perceptive perspective of a new year and a clean start, this phrase keeps running though my mind: “You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.” (Psalm 139:5). And, looking back, I see it. I see the Lord at work shielding and leading. Closing doors and providing refuge to put us all exactly where He would have us be as we prepare to rejoice and live purposefully in 2012.
