Stay Steady

In general, our life is remarkably even keel; full of blessings and joy, but no tales of triumph or ballads of woe. There is a time for everything, however, and it seems we’ve entered into a season of emotional roller coasters. I say coasters, as in plural, because every one of my family members is encountering their own battle or crossroads. But of course, in the way of family, we each buckle up for the ride of the others. Suffice it to say, every morning I wake up a bit dizzy and try to put a name to the thoughts and emotions running through my head.

Representing the highest of the highs, my husband and I are expecting a BABY GIRL sometime in the next 3 weeks! Words are insufficient to express how excited we are, but no matter how much we anticipate the day, I have a sneaking suspicion that we have absolutely no understanding of what’s coming—the joy, the love, the worry, the failure, the exhaustion. We are aware that these things are part-and-parcel with a baby, but no amount of mental calculation will fully prepare us for the reality of being parents; of having a human being that is solely dependent on you…and all your weaknesses and selfishness. The coming weeks, months, and years will be filled with heart-wrenching experiences of joy, fear, growth, and change.

So, that’s roller coaster #1 and the primary impetus for this blog. This blog is dedicated to her four, incredible grandparents back in Abilene. We hope it will provide a way for you to be a part even when you are not here.

Roller coaster #2 is especially heavy on my heart this morning. My wonderful, beautiful mom is embarking on a battle with breast cancer. This afternoon at 3:00, she will have a double mastectomy. The shock of the news is still fresh, and we’ve recently learned the fight will be harder than we originally hoped. My heart hurts for her and my dad. And, it’s incredibly hard not to worry about what the near future holds for her. But despite it all, when I am done sorting through my dizzy thoughts each morning, you want to know the prevailing emotion I usually identify? Thankfulness. Overwhelming thankfulness. It’s amazing that when life-as-you-know-it is threatened, you want to fight and then you want to weep, but eventually you settle into an acute awareness of all you have that is wonderful and good. And I’ve got a lot--more than my fair share. Today, I am beyond thankful for my amazing mother and the 4 yeewhos that make up the rest of my immediate family, for my vast and incredible extended family that have surrounded us with more love, prayers, and encouragement than we know how to process, and for our honorary extended family that have made us feel loved and cherished over the past several weeks. More than even all that, I am speechless when I stand before the grace of our almighty Savior and know without a shadow of a doubt that He loves my mom more than all of us combined. And that through Him the battle is already won.

“all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me”

So, life-as-we-know-it may be threatened (with our little munchkin on the way, my guess is that we’ve left even keel far behind anyway), but we will stand strong in the refuge of the Lord, with faithful hearts and love overflowing for we have much to be thankful for.